Life Back in Idaho Has Been...

Incredible. Interesting. Introspective. Intimidating. Illuminating.

(And apparently, accommodating to adequate alliteration.)

At the very tail-end of May, just over 24 hours after graduating from Bible college, Brent and I moved from Oklahoma back to Idaho. We didn't have a clue what was waiting for us in the land of potatoes and, well...other stuff. But we knew it was where God wanted us to go.

(By the way, in my last term of school I wrote this blog post recapping our time at school. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to give it a whirl. Not because it's particularly brilliant, but it might shed some better light on this post.)

A lot has happened in the nearly three months since moving back, and there's no way I can (or would want to) recall every tiny detail. However, I haven't written much of anything significant in *cough*four months*cough*, and because the last four weeks have been some of the most strange, emotional, frustrating, confusing and stressful weeks of my life (for an array of reasons), I figured a brief recap would be a good segue back into my writing routine and would help me to organize my very cluttered brain.

So, about that alliteration. Let's start with...

Intimidating. Brent and I had no idea what God had in store for us upon returning. We of course have a much better idea now, and while nothing is set in stone and a lot still has to take place, we've been testing the waters since being back. All I can say is that besides falling into place beautifully, being a great opportunity, and making a whole lot of sense...it's utterly terrifying to me. My thoughts have ranged from "this can't be right" to "this must be it" to "how is this going to work?" to "I couldn't do this if I tried" to "I can do this with my eyes closed" to "what the heck am I doing with my life?!" (And that's just one day's worth of thoughts, too.) But with that being said, I have faith in my very faithful God. I'm no longer trying to sort it all out on my own. I'm just going to serve people, my church and the Lord, sit back, and let whatever happens happen. I'm but a sheep who knows the voice of her Shepherd (see the earlier post I mentioned). He's got me, so I've got this...whatever "this" may end up being. I just need to listen, and I really just need to chill.

"If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." (Proverbs 3:5-6, TLB)

"I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power." (Philippians 4:13, TLB)

Interesting. Honestly, I think this word sums up the last [almost] three months pretty accurately. I'm not even sure the other words are all that necessary in light of this one, because this word applies to all the others. In fact, it's all-encompassing of the past couple years, let alone the past couple months. I've made mistake after error after blunder - with my words, in my thoughts, by my actions. I've been confused, I've been brokenhearted, I've been angry, I've been stupid. I've been ecstatic, I've been restful, I've been simple, I've been wise. I've had ups and downs and in-betweens...so goes the life of a human. I've stood up for myself and cared way too much about what people think; there have even been a few moments where I haven't cared what they thought at all, which is rare for me. All in all, the "interesting" part of this summer has simply been its perfect balance of learning opportunities: the right way and the the wrong way; the ups and the downs; the pros and the cons; the easy and the difficult.

"Just tell me what to do and I will do it, Lord. As long as I live, I’ll wholeheartedly obey." (Psalm 119:34, TLB)

Introspective. This one really goes hand-in-hand with "interesting," because with the learning opportunities I just mentioned comes the actual...you know...learning. And that's where introspection comes into play. One thing I'll give myself is that I'm self-aware. Not always perfectly, by any means, but I do know myself well enough to humbly admit my failures and weaknesses, and to humbly admit my successes and strengths (and no, that's not an oxymoron). This summer has been no stranger to self-reflection or self-examination. Like all of us, I haven't always immediately acted on what I've learned or realized about myself, good or bad. But nevertheless, I am learning and I am realizing.

There are a lot of things I could comment on in this section, but I think the biggest issue I've had while acclimating back to life outside the "Bible school bubble" is simply how religious I became while I was there. I remember the first time I noticed that I was becoming a Pharisee. I could tell you exactly what made me recognize it and exactly where I was when I did. It upset me...it embarrassed me...it angered me. But I didn't do a single thing to change it. I was too caught up in the culture; too prideful. I acknowledged it, sure. To God, my husband, my friends, myself...but I usually made it a joke.

Even since being back home, I've made it a joke. And people laugh; I laugh. One thing I've noticed about being open about one's flaws is that people love it. It doesn't make them feel alone; it allows them to let their guard down; it's real. I love people, so I love when people can be comfortable around me and vice versa. People have always told me they love how open, honest and real I am and how comfortable I make them feel; and I'm a "words of affirmation" girl, so I eat that up. I take that on as my identity. I'm the "real" girl. I'm the "open" one. "Look at me, I don't need walls...look at how open I am! Let me tell everyone everything I've ever done or dealt with so you'll feel comfortable around me and I'll feel important!" Gross...pride is so gross. (See. Introspection. It works wonders, I'm telling you. It's just the "doing something about it" part...)

So I keep making the same joke. "Whoops! Oh silly me, I became a Pharisee."

But it's not funny. It's not something to be taken lightly. It's actually a really, really big deal and needs to be eradicated. So currently, I'm working on this. I guess you could say, I'm working on my love life. I'm having to relearn something as simple and basic as how to love people with God's kind of love. And that's hard for a recent Bible school graduate to admit, despite how open she may be...

"Check up on yourselves. Are you really Christians? Do you pass the test? Do you feel Christ’s presence and power more and more within you? Or are you just pretending to be Christians when actually you aren’t at all?" (2 Corinthians 13:5, TLB)

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how His ways will really satisfy you." (Romans 12:2, TLB)

"Since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us. Keep your eyes on Jesus, our Leader and Instructor." (Hebrews 12:1-2a, TLB)

Illuminating. When I re-read my school recap post before writing this one, while I was disappointed about forgetting so much of what I had realized about myself and had endeavored to become during those two years, I was also so very pleased with how much of it (even what I feel I'm currently failing at) I had actually achieved; with how much of it was still true; with how much of it I could still identify with. I have grown. I have changed. I have matured. I do love people, and at the end of the day, I really do know how to love them, too. And I have learned. Granted, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know much of anything at all...but nevertheless, I've learned. I've learned a lot; and not just book or head knowledge either. I have some solid heart knowledge in there, too.

I'm young and naive and a bit immature, but I'm not as young, naive and immature as I sometimes think. I am capable of pouring into people's lives. I do have something to offer and bring to the table that only I can, whatever that may be. I may be young, but I am able...because He enables me. I've made (and will continue to make) mistakes, but I know exactly who I am in Christ. I don't need to dwell on my past mistakes anymore either, whether it was a mistake from 10 years ago or a mistake I made this morning. Learn...forgive...forget...move on. I don't need to search for my identity anymore, though I'll always be learning and growing. I know who He says I am, who He made me to be, and who He wants me to be. I just need to hone some things, like we all do and will continue having to do. And at the end of the day, I just need to chill. Breathe. Relax. I need to cut myself a break. I need to cut everyone else a break, too. We're all learning, all growing, all figuring this Christianity thing out...all figuring this life thing out!

"Let everyone be sure that he is doing his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work well done and won’t need to compare himself with someone else. Each of us must bear some faults and burdens of his own. For none of us is perfect!" (Galatians 6:3-5, TLB)

"But now God has shown us a different way to heaven—not by 'being good enough' and trying to keep His laws, but by a new way (though not new, really, for the Scriptures told about it long ago). Now God says He will accept and acquit us—declare us 'not guilty'—if we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, by coming to Christ, no matter who we are or what we have been like." (Romans 3:21-22, TLB)

"But if we confess our sins to Him, He can be depended on to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. And it is perfectly proper for God to do this for us because Christ died to wash away our sins." (1 John 1:9, TLB)

"Don’t let anyone think little of you because you are young. Be their ideal; let them follow the way you teach and live; be a pattern for them in your love, your faith, and your clean thoughts." (1 Timothy 4:12, TLB)

And finally, incredible. Life is truly amazing here in Idaho. I have loved picking up with old friends and making new ones. I've loved being in the same town as our families again. I have fallen in love with my home church in a way that I had never before, and have realized what an awesome church family I have and am blessed to be a part of. I've been so blessed to watch my husband grow more and more into the mighty man God has called him to be. We found out last month that we'll be welcoming a baby boy into our home this winter; we've named him Declan James and can't wait to meet him! Have there been some hard times? Yes. Some awkward times? Sure. Some heartbreaking and confusing moments? Unfortunately. But there have been inspiring times and restful times and hilarious times and excellent times. As is life. God is faithful. He is a Keeper of His promises. He is unchanging, even when everything else around me is. He is constant. He never fails me. He never leaves me. He is able. He is strong. He is mighty. He is perfect. He is Love, and He is Lord. He loves me...and I love Him.

And at the end of the day, that's all I ever really need to know anyway.

"But all these things that I once thought very worthwhile—now I’ve thrown them all away so that I can put my trust and hope in Christ alone. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have put aside all else, counting it worth less than nothing, in order that I can have Christ, and become one with Him, no longer counting on being saved by being good enough or by obeying God’s laws, but by trusting Christ to save me; for God’s way of making us right with Himself depends on faith—counting on Christ alone. Now I have given up everything else—I have found it to be the only way to really know Christ and to experience the mighty power that brought Him back to life again, and to find out what it means to suffer and to die with Him. So whatever it takes, I will be one who lives in the fresh newness of life of those who are alive from the dead. I don’t mean to say I am perfect. I haven’t learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us." (Philippians 3:7-14, TLB)

Expecting & Provided For

Yep, we're going to be parents! Sometime around December 2nd, we'll be welcoming our first Baby Butler into this world, and the timing couldn't be better. We actually found out on March 27th, about two hours before we found out that we'll be moving into a [basically] fully furnished duplex upon arrival when we get back to Idaho. I posted this on Facebook right after we found out about the duplex:

Feeling so incredibly blessed right now. 

Almost 7 weeks exactly until moving day, and God is working everything together! 

I'm just in awe. So excited for the last few pages of this chapter and the beginning of the next!

How awesome is God?! What a Provider. There was no way in the natural that we would have had the money to furnish a new place with a baby on the way, but God (two of the best words EVER) always makes a way! We do have to buy the furniture, but for everything we're getting at the price we're paying? You're too late to tell me that it's not God's favor.

It may not be considered polite to share everything that we're getting or the price we're getting it for, even though I really want to because - hello, God is AWESOME! - but let me just say it's an incredible deal. In the two and a half years we've been married, this will be some of the nicest furniture we'll have ever had. We're still in awe about the whole thing. Not just the great pieces of furniture and the price, but the fact that we'll have a fully furnished place to move into, and to bring our baby home to this winter.

Is that the provision of God or what?! He is so good, and He gets all the credit. He takes care of His children!

In all honesty, Brent and I don't really pray for finances or needs. We're not at all against it, and it's not that we haven't before or won't ever in the future. It's just that we choose to take God at His word. In Matthew 6, Jesus is very clear that we're not to worry about our needs - like food, clothing, and shelter - because God will take care of us, and so we needn't worry. We're simply asked to trust Him - to keep our eyes focused on Him and His Kingdom and to not worry. So...we keep our hearts focused on Him and we don't worry! And He comes through for us, always, because He's already met our needs anyway!

We are never in want, and we are never lacking. Even if money is tight, we know that He's got it. We do our best to make wise financial choices while seeking the Lord, we tithe and love to responsibly bless others, and we don't worry about the necessities like food or clothing or housing - we know God's got it! He's come through for us every time, without fail.

Yes, we do "our part" and God "does His" (if you want to word it that way), but at the same time, God's goodness and love towards us isn't based on anything we do. He loves us; we're His kids! What loving Father doesn't want to provide for His children? And besides, "our part" is ultimately just trusting Him and not worrying about things or trying to do it in our own strength - that's really all we do.

And the best part is, God doesn't play favorites! If you're thinking, "well yeah, but you're in Bible school. Of course God is going to do those things for you," or, "you always talk about God and you serve God and I barely even pray - He's not going to bless me until I do something for Him," or anything like that...STOP IT! That's a lie from the enemy. God is not a respecter of persons, and His love and care for us is not based on our works or our goodness. If He's going to provide for my household, He'll provide for yours, because what He does for one, He'll do for another! It may look different in how it comes, but it'll still be God's provision. He just wants you to trust Him!

If you're worrying right now about your needs not being met because in the natural it just doesn't seem possible or you don't see how you're going to make it, I encourage you to take Jesus at His word and give Him your worries, fears and anxieties. He cares for you, and He will meet ALL of your needs according to HIS riches...not yours.

So what do you need? Is it money to pay a bill this month, or to buy groceries or clothes, or to get gas? Do you need a job, or even just an interview? Are you worried about how you're going to make ends meet this month? How will you afford to fix the car in time? Where will you end up when that eviction goes through? Do you need furniture for your home - a bed for you or your child to sleep in? Do you need to get something fixed in your home? Maybe you need a car or a bike or some kind of transportation. Maybe you need a new tire, or a new stove or a new washer and dryer (because they're broken, not just because you want a new one, hehe). Do you need healing in your physical body or in your emotions? Don't limit God...He wants to provide for you!

Of course our physical needs come first, but God wants to meet our personal needs too. Is there something that may not be an actual need, but that you really "need" for just that little extra oomph this month? Maybe you'd really love (or need) to get your hair cut, or maybe getting your nails done is the one nice thing you do for yourself, but this month, you just don't think you'll be able to do it. Maybe you'd love an extra $10 in the budget to go out for coffee with your spouse or a friend, or to buy your child a birthday present. Maybe you're like me, and sometimes you really just "need" a new pen to write with or a new notebook to write in. Don't limit God...He wants to bless you!

I encourage you to stop worrying and to TRUST Him! If it's a physical need, trust Him to do what He said He would - let Him be your provision! If it's a personal need, you can ask God and watch Him come through for you even on the little things. And just like we're expecting a precious baby, trust God and EXPECT Him to show up in your life and meet your needs! He won't let you down.

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting ALL your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

 And my God shall supply ALL your needs according to HIS riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
John 14:13-14

Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-33

Write Away

It's been a while since I've posted, mainly because this past school term was a bit all over the place. I missed a week of classes due to being sick, I'm down to four weeks until I submit my very last undergrad assignment ever, and we began the process of packing up our apartment. But now it's Spring Break! I know that after graduation, I probably won't ever have an entire week to do nothing ever again, unless I'm taking a designated vacation. Officially being a "grown-up" is growing ever closer, and honestly, I couldn't be more ready (albeit already feeling nostalgic for Spring Breaks).

Exactly two months from today, we will be arriving in our old-new hometown, and starting a new chapter. Personally, I'm looking forward to being back in Idaho and out of school so I can commit more time to actually developing my writing career. More on that to come, as I...you know...write stuff.

When it comes to my writing, these last two years (really, these last several years) have been a bit sporadic. I've never stopped writing, and I try my hand at different mediums often. But I haven't been able to devote as much time to it as I'd like to, especially not enough to develop it into a side job, let alone a career and ministry.

Still, the two interests I've had and been continuously committed to since their inception in my life, regardless of whatever season I was in or what I was going through, have been God and writing. In fact, in all honesty, I have to admit that even though I believed in God before I ever wrote a well-structured sentence, my "first love" really was writing. It's been my main hobby, pastime, creative outlet and ideal career choice since I was seven years old, but now it's gone from being "just a hobby" and a "dream job," into a full-blown "why not" reality. Now that I'm a closer-to-30-than-20 married woman with a degree in social services, who might have a baby one of these days and who wants to do full-time ministry for the rest of her life, making a priority out of writing is a priority. Now that I am consumed with my Creator more than I've ever been with no sign of slowing down, I can't imagine not creating for and with Him for the rest of my life on this earth.

Photo Source

I've even had "words spoken over me" (that's Christianese for "one time someone prayed for me and the Lord gave them something to say to me") regarding writing, my words, and how to use them. The Lord has also "spoken to my heart" (a Christianese, and only slightly less awkward, way of saying "God told me so" that is sometimes legitimate and sometimes based solely on human emotions...here's to believing mine is the former) about my writing more than once. I've also received several comments from people regarding my writing that I knew were reminders from Him, about what He wants me to do with my love of writing.

Basically...I know writing is forever in my future.

While I honestly believe that I've always written well (not that I didn't have to learn, but it always came naturally to me), and while I feel my voice as a writer has developed beautifully, albeit not flawlessly, over the years, I have not always written "as unto the Lord." I have written plenty of times - whether that be a blog post, a status update or comment, a letter, or even a text message - with incredibly poor motives and disgusting pride; to correct-in-love, which wound up being passive-aggressive condemnation; and have at various times lacked grace, mercy, understanding, the "big picture" mentality and appropriate discretion. (I even got caught once for legitimately plagiarizing a college essay. It was my first and only time, and during an incredibly low point in an already incredibly low season of my life. I am forever grateful for the gracious professor who dropped me rather than reporting me...though if she had, I wouldn't have blamed her.)

I have written in endless notebooks and typed countless Word documents, with words conveying both beauty and nonsense. I have littered the World Wide Web with failed blog attempts, confessional Facebook "notes" and immature MySpace...um...whatever it was that MySpace called them. I have written spoken word poetry that has been both incredibly lame and surprisingly extravagant. (I love to recite my spoken word pieces, too, but I recite every poem the same way so I definitely need to work on my delivery...ahem.)

I am not a perfect writer, nor will I ever be...but I love to do it. I can write for hours on end, and not tire, forgetting when I started and not wanting to stop. I want to change the world, and I want to do that in action and in word, both written and spoken. I believe I have something to say that the world needs to hear, and the balancing act is making sure I always say what it is He wants me to say; that I stay away from my own opinions and focus instead on His absolute truths; that my thoughts are always His thoughts.

And I look forward to writing every beautifully imperfect piece until I go Home.

I'm not quite sure how to close this post out, so here's my current favorite song. Have a blessed day!

A Brief Recap of the Last Two Years

OK, well...it's brief in that I'm recapping 2 years in one post. (Cut me some slack!)

My husband and I graduate from Bible school in twelve weeks. Two years seems so long ago, and yet, I feel like we've been here forever. When we got married, we were young and in love; immature and committed; and we only knew two things about our future: we wanted to devote our lives and our marriage to the Lord, and we wanted to go to Bible school before we had kids. 

At this particular time in our life, my husband had only been a Christian for two years and had already read more of the Bible in those two than I had in ten; I was a believer who was recovering from a fall off of a rather high horse. We both loved the Lord, but we were still figuring out how to "be a Christian."

So I must confess: we never really, technically prayed about where God wanted us to go. Horrible, right? We kind of just...decided. We, more or less, picked somewhere. You'd think that wanting to do the work of the Lord for the rest of our known existence, we would have thought to ask Him where He wanted us to go or what He wanted us to do, but we never really got around to that.

And yet, He still told us. The Holy Spirit is awesome like that.

We thought we were picking the school that we did simply because we knew a few people who had gone, we knew the basic doctrine was sound, and it was the cheapest Bible school out of all the ones we looked at. Looking back, the reality was it was absolutely where God wanted us to go the whole time, and our deciding was His prompting. We just didn't realize it at the time, and were taking the credit.

So…we got married in October, applied in December, and after having gotten accepted in January, we just went with it. And we knew it was right, even if we didn't really know how to ask God at the time. We just knew. He had already told us, whether we realized it or not. I tell you what: His grace had to have been all over us to keep us from ever doubting our decision because believe me, we so easily could have. But everything was falling into place perfectly. It made so much sense. 

So in June 2012, we left everything and everyone we had ever known. We ventured off into our future having no idea what to expect or what was to come of it; only that God was good and He had a plan that somehow involved us.

First year was a whirlwind of shock and awe and excitement and figuring all sorts of things out. Things about God, about ourselves, about marriage, about Christianity, about church, and about all of the things we thought we knew before about all of those same things. It was a season of restoration for me personally – a season which I honestly feel is just now coming to a close, and at perfect timing. For me, it was a season of separation from the world and an embracing of Christian culture for the first time in a long time. Both were needed in that season, and while I made some mistakes in both arenas, I don’t regret diving head first into either of them. Like I said, I needed this season. I wholeheartedly believe it was the only way for God to really grab my attention, and start shifting my focus from my past to His future for me. And it worked.

Due to the polar opposites of separation and embracing, first year was also a time of learning how to balance – something I believe for the rest of my life, I’ll be fighting for. I had a lot to learn. I think I was just excited about God and ministry and the Bible and truth and all the little bits and pieces I was learning. I was so confident in what I believed now, where as before I used to compromise so much. I was so confident in who I was and what kind of life was available to me in Christ, and I just wanted everyone - even other believers - to know that they could have it too. The problem was I didn't really know how to handle it all or what to really do with it. Basically I had a boatload of zeal, but not a whole lot of wisdom.

Summer was both weird and wonderful. It was wonderful because of time spent with family that we hadn't seen in ages, as well as learning how to really spend time with God. My husband and I also had amazing times spent with each other and with wonderful, God-chosen friends. I also got a lot of free coffee, and I love Oklahoma summers too - the rain, the storms, the heat, and the smell and feel of humidity in the air.

However, as I said, it was also weird. Mainly it was the growing pains that made it weird. I found myself constantly at odds with…myself. But really, the Holy Spirit was showing me how to hear His voice and recognize it over the other voices of this world vying for my attention. And not only was He teaching me to hear and recognize His voice, but also to listen to it – to really, truly know that I know that I know the voice of my Shepherd. It was also really the first season in my life that I tangibly realized the weight of the responsibility of being a follower of Christ, the reality of the loneliness of leadership, and the warfare that’s constantly being waged for my soul.

And hey, that whole learning process can be weird for us sheep sometimes.

Second year has come and is now almost over, with only one and a quarter term left. This year has been different. It started out different.  It was all about my character. All about who I was as a minister of reconciliation; as a messenger of the Gospel of Jesus Christ; as a leader; as salt and as light; as a citizen of Heaven; as a person. It's been a school year of being set free from emotional and mental battles, and even some physical ones. It’s been a school year of introspection and realizations about myself like I've never experienced, and probably haven’t even fully grasped yet. It’s been a school year of putting into practice what my weird and wonderful summer taught me: that I can hear the voice of God. This second year has confirmed what I already knew: that my life is not my own, and that I don’t have the right to have a bad day. 

I've been reminded that I can no longer exalt mistakes above the blood of my Savior, and to be slow to speak and quick to listen (I'll be working on that for years to come). I've learned that I don't always have to have an answer or a response, and that sometimes, the only answer or response necessary is "no." I've learned to love better, to be faithful, how to refocus and encourage myself in the Lord, how to pray. I've been reminded that the reason I'm here is for people. People are the only thing that matter on this earth. People...being set free...from deception, darkness and death. I've been reminded that not everyone will like me, not everyone will agree with me, and that people really don't spend their time thinking about me as much as I think they do. And God has used this school year to assure me, more than anything else, that I am exactly where He wants me to be, in every way.

And this second year, as I said, started out differently than before. The first week, much to my surprise, we found out we were going to move back to Idaho after school. We assumed that meant after Brent's third year. But by Christmas, we knew we were moving back to Idaho after this year. (Oh, um...I guess that was my official public announcement. We’re moving back to Idaho this May!)

And I think that in revealing to us when He did, God did a beautiful job (as always) of bringing things around full circle. We “just knew” in December 2011 that we’d be coming here, and in December 2013 – exactly two years later – we knew that we’d be going back. The same voice that told us to come here two years ago - the voice that we weren't entirely confident yet calling “God” - that was and is the same God who now is leading us back. But the difference between then and now - what makes it full circle - is that this time, we know. We recognize His voice, recognize His peace, and follow that voice...follow that peace.

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me."

John 10:27

I believe one of the few key things God wanted to teach me in these two years was that I can be confident in knowing His voice. The same Spirit that I've heard throughout the entirety of my Christian walk - that still, small voice - that's Him. It's always been Him. What a blessing to look back over the past 12 years of being a born-again believer; to look at all of those times when I doubted myself, or when I thought God wasn't answering, or even when I was just starting out as a Christian all on my own - how beautiful to know that I knew the Holy Spirit from the very first day I decided to live for Him! I'm almost tempted to feel bummed for having not realized it all these years, but how can I be? It's beyond amazing! How humbling and precious to know that He's spoken to me since the very first day of my journey with Him.

Now we're preparing for a new season...another new adventure that we know nothing about. All we really know is the next step: move back. That's it. And as much as I'd love to know more, I'm so thankful that I even know just that one thing with complete confidence. After two years and thousands of dollars, if knowing that I know (and have known) God's voice was the only thing I learned, it would have still been worth every day and every penny.

And if you're a believer, and you're always wondering why God never says anything to you, I promise you, He does! It may sound like a broken record (faith comes by hearing!), but it really is that still, small voice. So be still...and know that He is God!

Jesus said in John 14:16-17, "And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever - the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you."

Back From My Break

Five days ago I ended my 3-week long social media break, right on schedule.

It was wonderful, to say the least. Along with the break from social media, my husband and I had chosen to not do any unnecessary spending for the entire month of January, and I had also cut my coffee intake down to one cup a day (though I cheated on occasion with that one).

Needless to say, all of those ingredients made for awesome nights of deep sleep and awesome days that were far more focused, and thus, better spent.

When I first left social media, I posted the following status on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts:

When I returned, I was greeted by the following...

Not only did the kind words typed make my day (words of affirmation is my top love language, after all), but it was also incredibly humbling. The responses said to me that even when I doubted myself prior to the break, I had still been accomplishing what the Lord had led me to do with social media months ago, and that was to be encouraging...be positive...be a light.

I stepped back from social media for three reasons: I was simply spending way too much time on it and needed some peace and quiet; I was feeling guilty over a few status updates, comments and links shared in recent weeks; and because I wanted to reevaluate how and why I used social media at all.

Not to make me sound like a flawless user of social media (because I am most definitely not), but if I'm being totally honest, one of the things that I took from the past three weeks was that I was being way too hard on myself. I had been doing just what God had led me to do online, and though I've absolutely "fleshed out" (that's Christianese for "not doing what Jesus would do") in the recent past, the reality was, and still is, that I really am positive on Facebook, and it wasn't just these people's comments that showed me that.

I'm not saying this to be arrogant or "holier than thou" or anything, but...it's the truth. I am positive on Facebook, I am nice online, I am drama-free and I am a light.

Have I always been? No.

Have I been since the Lord specifically led me to be those things online several months ago? Absolutely not.

Will I be from now on? Actually...

Yes.

I don't know why I wouldn't, to be completely honest. Not that I'm perfect, by any means - I know that better than anyone else. But for me, the whole purpose of this social media break was to pinpoint my problem areas in social media so that I could work on them, recognize incorrect motives and methods, and do something about it so that those things won't be problem areas anymore.

The purpose of my social media break was not just to rest from online noise. It was to look inward and make necessary adjustments, so that I could better focus my attention where it should be focused: outward. Not just online, but in every area of my life. What a waste it would have been if I took this break, focused in on specific scriptures, recognized what I needed to change, repented, and sought and received answers from God...only to not endeavor to actually put into practice what I had learned.

Again, that's not to say I won't ever make another mistake in some way, shape or form for the rest of my known online life...but the reality is, I don't have to if I don't want to.

For one thing, I'm in control. I'm in control of my choices, my actions, my words, my thoughts, and even my feelings and emotions. I'm in control of whether or not I voice my own personal opinion in a "knowledge puffs up" kind of way, or if I speak God's Truth in a "love builds up" kind of way. It's my choice whether or not I respond to something, it's my choice whether or not I comment, and it's my choice whether or not I share something. There are some things in life that I simply cannot control, but everything I do on social media is always my choice.

For another thing (and this goes hand-in-hand with self-control), my goal in life is to please my Father. I know my Father, and because I know Him, I very well know the difference between what does and does not please Him.

So...having said all of that...I still plan on using social media for as long as social media exists. I still plan on sharing random anecdotes, pictures and updates from my personal life. I still plan on sharing [some] articles and videos that I find interesting. When I have children, I'll probably annoy you with pictures of them throughout your day and I probably won't care, because my kids will be ridiculously cute. I also plan on continuing to use Facebook as a way to share and show the beautiful love, absolute truth and redeeming power of an Almighty God at work in the life of an imperfect girl like me.

P.S. - When you ask for prayer on Facebook, and I tell you I'm praying for you, I mean it. However, I'll never accept your invitation to play FarmVille (is that still a thing?) or Candy Crush, I don't really care whether or not the cute puppy or sick child can get a million likes, and I probably won't ever send you a Facebook gift...though, I really do mean it when I tell you happy birthday.

Just a bit of an update!

It's been about 17 days since I last wrote. It's been an incredible month so far, and God has been blessing my soul so much. That may sound cheesy, but it's true! His still, small voice; His precious, sweet words whispered straight to my heart have been unlike times previous in my relationship with Him, and I'm in love all over again with my King!

This month, as I wrote in a previous post, Brent and I have been doing a spending fast, which has been awesome. We broke it during Martin Luther King Jr. weekend and spent a bit on - I won't lie - eating out. The first time was fine because we had a wonderful time spent with friends celebrating a belated birthday, and it was so nice to know that after having not spent anything for almost three weeks (a BIG deal for us), we had no guilt in spending money on an occasion like that. It was a great lesson. Then we had a coupon the next night, and then I had a girl day with a friend the next day. Then we realized how lousy we felt for not only breaking our fast that many times, but also realizing that we were spending when we didn't need to. So we said, "OK, no more." It was another great lesson for us, and we've been back on track since then.

I've also been reading the Bible in 90 days, and while I admit to have spread out my daily readings a couple times to more than one day (Exodus...Leviticus...oy vey!), I've stuck to it, and I'm so pleased with myself. To be honest, it's amazing God's consistency in the Old and New Testaments, and it's amazing reading the common stories, being reminded of my heritage in God and seeing Him at work in the lives of ordinary people. The same God of the Old Testament is the same God that lives and operates in me today! How glorious!

Also, I'm two weeks into a three-week social media break, which for me has included Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. (Twitter too, but I never really use that.) The last two weeks have been so liberating! It's funny how much we can let social media subtly control us, rather than us controlling ourselves in how much we use it. For me though, it wasn't just a break from the fact that I spent way too much time using it, but it was also a refocusing time on how I have used social media, and how I want to use it from now on. I haven't entirely figured out the specifics of my future social media usage plans, but I did use this list as a template for my devotional time regarding the break I've been taking from it, and it's been very eye-opening.

I've also been brainstorming a lot of different blogging ideas and plans, and haven't come to a conclusion yet. I'm going to leave that up to the Lord, and seek Him on what He wants me to do concerning that area of my life, so we'll see. For now, this is where I'm at as a blogger, and I'm enjoying it.

Until next time, be blessed!

Bye-Bye Vacation! Hello New Year!

Tomorrow, my husband and I go to school for the first time in three weeks!

OK, really it's only two. But it feels like three because we went home to Idaho for a week, and when we got home were able to attend three days of class before the two-week Christmas break began, so...it at least feels like three weeks.

And I'll be totally honest: I feel like the last two weeks have been not very on-purpose. I still read my Bible every morning and prayed, but I didn't do anything else with any sense of "purpose" that I was aware of. It definitely was a nice, long break (I can't believe Christmas was just last week!), but it was entirely self-centered. I literally sat in my house the entire two weeks.

Literally.

And while everyone needs rest, and everyone needs some extended rest like that from time to time, I'm not so sure I did. One week? Yes please! Ten days? Absolutely! Fourteen? Maybe. Sixteen? Way too long.

I feel way out of the loop...way out of the zone...like my groove's been thrown way off.

I didn't really make any serious New Year's resolutions this year, beyond that of my spending fast (so far, so good by the way!) and endeavoring to read the entire Bible in 90 days (also so far, so good). But I figure tomorrow is a great time to hit the ground running all the same: it's the first Monday of 2014!

It's not so much a "start over" as much as it is a "start back up again" for me. I'm excited for tomorrow to get here, but it's also a bit overwhelming because I feel like the last two weeks have been so overloaded with downtime that I don't know how to get going again.

Nevertheless, I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! This is going to be an AWESOME year, filled with new adventures and new seasons and new...NEWNESS!

2014, I'm ready for you! Are you ready for me?

The Lord says, “Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don’t you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land.

Isaiah 43:18-19 (NCV)

New Year, No Spending

(...well, at least for 60 days.)

It's 2014, and for Brent and I, that means we're starting the year out by doing a no-spend month (or a spending fast, as it's also called).

No, we're not trying to "stick it to the man" or anything like that. It's purely an attempt - a goal, really - to simplify and save. Last year we tried and failed. (I really wanted to buy the 4-pack of the stop-animation Christmas classics at Walmart.) But this year, it's a bit different. Last year, it was in November for one thing (appropriately deemed by us, "No-Spend November"), and it was a spur-of-the-moment decision and poorly planned, as seen in its lack of execution (and, I clearly wasn't very disciplined). This year, it's obviously kicking off our new year, and we've actually (kind of) planned for it this time. Not only that, but the goal is to do not one, but TWO months of non-spending.

As I mentioned, our purpose in doing this is to save money and simplify our life. I've wanted to live more simply for quite some time now, and have gone through various phases of said endeavor. To be honest, our life is already pretty simple, but we're still a product of our time and culture and there are just a few things we'd like to cut back on or cut out entirely.

We weren't big on the making of a bunch of new year resolutions or goals though we, like most, did make some. Really, it was cutting back on spending, saving as a result and...well...that's really about it for the time being. There are other goals we have, but if there's anything we've learned since living in Oklahoma, it's to sloooooow down and not take on too much at once.

Simplifying is a process, I've learned. Since July of last year, I've tried to jump on many-a-simple-living-bandwagon  too quickly, and got in over my head. Not to mention, simplified living can look different for different people, something I don't think I realized when I first began my journey towards simplicity.

For some, it's minimalism all across the board (which can creep me out a bit, not going to lie). For others, it's natural or chemical-free living. For some, it might be no or very little technology, not having a car, getting rid of social media or having a 100% DIY'd lifestyle. I tried the chemical-free lifestyle for a couple months in an attempt to live a more simplified life - I made my own cleaning products, got rid of all of my medicine, planned a patio garden and all that other natural-living Pinterest-y stuff. But it just wasn't for me, and because it wasn't for me, it honestly led to far more stress.

Simple living looks different for different people, but I think that the goal of simplicity for those who desire it is ultimately the same: freedom and contentment. Brent and I look at simplicity of lifestyle as a way to feel free to do what and go where God has called us to at His word, to be a greater blessing to others and to not get caught up in today's distorted "American Dream." And for us, the road to simplifying our lifestyle simply begins with finances.

So, here are our personal "No Spending" rules for the months of January and February 2014:

• ALWAYS TITHE. 
• (We can't afford not to!)
• ONLY spend money on NEEDS. 
• (Rent, bills, school payment, necessary groceries, gas, hygiene, necessary household items, and so forth. The only things here that are technically wants, but we're listing here are Netflix and makeup. Don't judge!)
• NO spending on any WANTS.
• (Going out to eat, entertainment, Starbucks, clothes, books, decor, junk food, and so forth. No extra stuff, basically.)

That's it, really. Pretty simple. The idea is to save everything that we don't need to spend so that we can pay off debt faster, have more money to give and of course, grow in the area of contentment.

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain."

1 Timothy 6:6

Also, we have an exciting new adventure coming soon, and that will require some extra funds! But more on that later...

If this sounds like it might be up your alley, I encourage you to join us - it's not too late! (And remember: you can start a no-spending month at any time.) Have you ever completed a spending fast? What are some of your life-simplification tips or habits? How are those New Year goals coming along? (Don't give up!)