I broke down and made a new Instagram account.
For those of you know me well, you may not be at all surprised, and I don't blame you.,,but hear me out. It wasn't because I couldn't handle life without social media; it boiled down to a matter of people. I missed seeing everyone's pictures and life updates.
OK, so maybe that's a direct result of social media's effect on culture, but at the same time, people are important to me...and people that I know personally are very important to me. I like knowing what's going on with my friends and family, and that's not entirely social media related.
Sure, I can be a bit "out of sight, out of mind," but that doesn't mean I don't care. The lack of at least having a basic knowing of what was up with people I care about was making me feel a bit left out of people's lives, and like I was keeping people out of mine, albeit not intentionally.
So, yes...I'm back on Instagram. So, maybe it was a cop-out, but I'm glad to be back in the loop. And I can honestly say at the same time, I didn't miss it. But I did miss people and sharing my life with others, so...there you go.
You can find me on Instagram here.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Dreaming with God
I love it when God brings things across my path that are exactly what I need, when I need them.
Today, that was this post from The Better Mom. It hit the nail on the head, hard.
I went through emotions of feeling useless when my son was born, and I didn't love being a mom so much. I was grieving the loss of my freedom and felt like having a child was a distraction from fulfilling the call of God on my life. I worked through that though, by saying out loud to myself that I love being a mom, by telling my son that I love being his mom, and by reminding myself that being a mom doesn't take away from God's call on my life; it's a part of it! It didn't take long until I was at peace with the whole "being a stay-at-home mom" thing, and I couldn't remember ever feeling like I didn't love it.
Or so I thought.
This last week I randomly (read: I had an idea and didn't pray about it, therefore trying to make it work by my own efforts) decided to attend online grad school. I contacted several schools with my major of interest (counseling), applied to two of them, got my financial aid information in, ordered transcripts, contacted references...the whole shebang.
But the whole time, I knew now wasn't the right time. I knew it would be overwhelming and stressful and distracting. I knew it would only put us more into debt than we already are, which alone was enough reason not to do it as we're trying to get out of debt, not add to it. I tried to justify it to myself and my husband (who from the beginning didn't think it was the right time) by weighing the pros: we'd get a military discount, I'd make scholarship-applying my part-time job, I'd have a professional degree by the time our son goes to preschool, etc.
But the Lord's still, small voice was ever present, reminding me what He told me months ago: this is my quiet season; a season of much-needed personal rest. (Yet another reason I gave up social media two months ago.)
So, after a week of unnecessary stress, mental unrest, ignoring my kid, and being hit with a full-on cold that probably would have been over by now had I simply taken time to pause, think, and pray...I'm happy to say that I won't be doing grad school just yet.
Maybe someday, but not today.
My reasons for wanting to go right now stemmed fully from feeling bored, a bit useless, a bad case of writer's block, and feeling as though my dreams and goals might actually be unrealistic. I felt as though I was wasting my time and my talents sitting at home, and started listening to the lies that told me I'd never be a published author and that I'd never write anything worth reading; that I'd never be able to support mine and my husband's ministry dreams with a writer's income; that I might as well just get a "real job" when Declan goes to school.
But I stopped listening.For one thing, that's not what God has ever told me. He believes in my dreams, and He should; He gave them to me! If the God of the universe thinks I have what it takes to write awesome stuff and be in full-time ministry, then I ought to believe I can too. And if I remember to let Him guide my pen (well, fingers), then I know I'll accomplish what He wants me to accomplish, when He wants me to accomplish it.
It's no fun dreaming small, and it's no fun trying to make things happen in your own strength. I'll see certain dreams of mine come to fruition when the time is right; when it's His time. I don't have to settle for ordinary, expected, or anything less than the very best that God has for me...and neither do you! I can (and should) work hard for my dreams to become realities, but I don't have to do it alone or force it into existence. God knows what's best for me and when, and at the end of the day, despite my impatience and apparent ADD, I'd rather let Him take my hand and lead me down His path than try and make my own way.
He is the Way, and I'd rather follow Him.
Today, that was this post from The Better Mom. It hit the nail on the head, hard.
I went through emotions of feeling useless when my son was born, and I didn't love being a mom so much. I was grieving the loss of my freedom and felt like having a child was a distraction from fulfilling the call of God on my life. I worked through that though, by saying out loud to myself that I love being a mom, by telling my son that I love being his mom, and by reminding myself that being a mom doesn't take away from God's call on my life; it's a part of it! It didn't take long until I was at peace with the whole "being a stay-at-home mom" thing, and I couldn't remember ever feeling like I didn't love it.
Or so I thought.
This last week I randomly (read: I had an idea and didn't pray about it, therefore trying to make it work by my own efforts) decided to attend online grad school. I contacted several schools with my major of interest (counseling), applied to two of them, got my financial aid information in, ordered transcripts, contacted references...the whole shebang.
But the whole time, I knew now wasn't the right time. I knew it would be overwhelming and stressful and distracting. I knew it would only put us more into debt than we already are, which alone was enough reason not to do it as we're trying to get out of debt, not add to it. I tried to justify it to myself and my husband (who from the beginning didn't think it was the right time) by weighing the pros: we'd get a military discount, I'd make scholarship-applying my part-time job, I'd have a professional degree by the time our son goes to preschool, etc.
But the Lord's still, small voice was ever present, reminding me what He told me months ago: this is my quiet season; a season of much-needed personal rest. (Yet another reason I gave up social media two months ago.)
So, after a week of unnecessary stress, mental unrest, ignoring my kid, and being hit with a full-on cold that probably would have been over by now had I simply taken time to pause, think, and pray...I'm happy to say that I won't be doing grad school just yet.
Maybe someday, but not today.
My reasons for wanting to go right now stemmed fully from feeling bored, a bit useless, a bad case of writer's block, and feeling as though my dreams and goals might actually be unrealistic. I felt as though I was wasting my time and my talents sitting at home, and started listening to the lies that told me I'd never be a published author and that I'd never write anything worth reading; that I'd never be able to support mine and my husband's ministry dreams with a writer's income; that I might as well just get a "real job" when Declan goes to school.
But I stopped listening.For one thing, that's not what God has ever told me. He believes in my dreams, and He should; He gave them to me! If the God of the universe thinks I have what it takes to write awesome stuff and be in full-time ministry, then I ought to believe I can too. And if I remember to let Him guide my pen (well, fingers), then I know I'll accomplish what He wants me to accomplish, when He wants me to accomplish it.
It's no fun dreaming small, and it's no fun trying to make things happen in your own strength. I'll see certain dreams of mine come to fruition when the time is right; when it's His time. I don't have to settle for ordinary, expected, or anything less than the very best that God has for me...and neither do you! I can (and should) work hard for my dreams to become realities, but I don't have to do it alone or force it into existence. God knows what's best for me and when, and at the end of the day, despite my impatience and apparent ADD, I'd rather let Him take my hand and lead me down His path than try and make my own way.
He is the Way, and I'd rather follow Him.
We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer.
(Proverbs 16:1, NLT)
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
(Proverbs 16:9, NLT)
Monday, June 1, 2015
Always Moving Forward
I mentioned in my last post that this past year, my biggest take-away was to "just be" and to "just be me" and to "be the same." But if you're like me, sometimes this can be hard to do on a mental and emotional level because you can get so caught up in regretting past mistakes or the woulda-coulda-shouldas of life.
I've talked about it before online, in my private journaling; in my head, and verbally with others. I've talked about moving forward and forgetting the past and forgiving myself and yada yada yada. All good and true.
Yet, I must admit that I haven't always taken my own advice.
I hate that, but it's true. I'm sure some of you, like me, have experienced this before as well. We tell ourselves to forget and forgive and to move on, and we say that we have and that we are. Sometimes, we really do, but other times are more difficult.
Maybe on the surface, we can even make ourselves and others believe it. But at the end of the day, we haven't actually done anything about it, because we haven't really looked at our hearts. We just know forgiving and pressing forward are the "Christian things to do," so we try our best to do them, oftentimes, within our own strength.
And, oftentimes, we fail. And sometimes we beat ourselves up over...and over...and over again.
We continue to think about our mistakes and regrets and past sins; continue to replay and rewrite scenarios and conversations in our heads; continue to want to change something that is long over and done with, regardless of the consequences we are left with.
This is not only a waste of time, but it's also a symptom of pride. When we mull over the mistakes of our past (whether 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago), we are hoping and wishing to fix things ourselves; we're beating ourselves up for not being perfect, and we're not taking hold of and living out of the grace God freely gives us.
In a sense, we are just nailing Jesus back up on that cross, and without realizing it, saying that His sacrifice wasn't enough to cover our mistakes. As if what I did or said was so bad that He couldn't possibly fix it. As if that thing I said or that thing I did was so bad, that His blood couldn't possibly have covered it.
What a slap in His face!
We cannot beat ourselves up over our past mistakes. God still loves us, and it's pretty dang difficult for Him to stop. We have to remember Romans 8. The whole chapter is good, but specifically:
NOTHING can separate us from His love. Not anything that anyone or anything can do to us; not anything anyone can say about or against us; and not anything we can do, have done, or will do ourselves, to ourselves or anyone else.
NOTHING and NO ONE (including ourselves) can make God love us any less or any more than He already does. It's absolutely impossible. He will literally NEVER stop loving us. Even those who have gone to Hell or who will go to Hell; that didn't or won't stop Him from still loving those people.
Think about it: if you're a believer, what did you do to get saved? Besides believe and confess, NOTHING! You didn't have to be perfect, and you didn't have to get your life right. You just had to believe and confess, according to Romans 10:9-10; you simply had to accept the finished work Christ had already done for you.
So why do we so often think we have to be perfect to please God? Why do we so often think God is mad at or disappointed in us when we mess up? And why do we think anything that we do ourselves could ever keep us saved?
Yes, our works are very important - far more important than some people today seem to think. But even so, our works don't save us. They never could. They never will.
We are saved only by grace, through our faith. Ephesians 2:8-9 is clear on this, as well as on the facts that works don't save us:
We are imperfect people who need a perfect Savior.
I'm quite far from being a Type A personality, so I never associated myself with being a perfectionist. But over this last year, the Holy Spirit has definitely showed me that's been a far greater area of struggle for me than I was ever willing or ready to admit. Instead of being grateful for where and what God has brought me out of, I get mad at myself for not having done it all right the first time. One of the enemy's favorite lines to whisper in my ear is that I should have known better and that I'll never be good enough.
And you know what? The enemy is right! I won't ever be good enough.
But the enemy is the father of lies and he always twists the truth - or in this case, leaves it out. No, I'll never be good enough...BUT GOD!
He has made me righteous!
He has made me pure, blameless, and holy!
So, I know this post kind was a bit long, and kind of went a couple different directions (at least it seems like that to me), but even so, it's been on my heart this past week. To close, here are some personal confessions I've reworded from Bible verses to say about ourselves and to encourage us in forgetting the past and moving forward:
And let's remember what Lamentations 3:22-23 says:
Let's forget the sins, mistakes, and regrets of our past and let's move forward; except for this time, let's really forget them and let's really move on. I for one am tired of dwelling on things I can't change. They are not worth my precious time anymore, and they aren't worth yours!
 |
| Thank you to Pinterest for helping me discover this quote, and to PicMonkey for helping design this image! |
Yet, I must admit that I haven't always taken my own advice.
I hate that, but it's true. I'm sure some of you, like me, have experienced this before as well. We tell ourselves to forget and forgive and to move on, and we say that we have and that we are. Sometimes, we really do, but other times are more difficult.
Maybe on the surface, we can even make ourselves and others believe it. But at the end of the day, we haven't actually done anything about it, because we haven't really looked at our hearts. We just know forgiving and pressing forward are the "Christian things to do," so we try our best to do them, oftentimes, within our own strength.
And, oftentimes, we fail. And sometimes we beat ourselves up over...and over...and over again.
We continue to think about our mistakes and regrets and past sins; continue to replay and rewrite scenarios and conversations in our heads; continue to want to change something that is long over and done with, regardless of the consequences we are left with.
This is not only a waste of time, but it's also a symptom of pride. When we mull over the mistakes of our past (whether 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago), we are hoping and wishing to fix things ourselves; we're beating ourselves up for not being perfect, and we're not taking hold of and living out of the grace God freely gives us.
In a sense, we are just nailing Jesus back up on that cross, and without realizing it, saying that His sacrifice wasn't enough to cover our mistakes. As if what I did or said was so bad that He couldn't possibly fix it. As if that thing I said or that thing I did was so bad, that His blood couldn't possibly have covered it.
What a slap in His face!
We cannot beat ourselves up over our past mistakes. God still loves us, and it's pretty dang difficult for Him to stop. We have to remember Romans 8. The whole chapter is good, but specifically:
Since He did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for US ALL, won’t He also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? NO ONE—for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? NO ONE—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. (v. 32-34, NLT, emphases mine)
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?...NO, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, Who loved us. (v. 35 & 37, NLT, emphasis mine)
And I am convinced that NOTHING can EVER separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, NOTHING in ALL creation will EVER be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (v. 38-39, NLT, emphases mine)
NOTHING can separate us from His love. Not anything that anyone or anything can do to us; not anything anyone can say about or against us; and not anything we can do, have done, or will do ourselves, to ourselves or anyone else.
NOTHING and NO ONE (including ourselves) can make God love us any less or any more than He already does. It's absolutely impossible. He will literally NEVER stop loving us. Even those who have gone to Hell or who will go to Hell; that didn't or won't stop Him from still loving those people.
Think about it: if you're a believer, what did you do to get saved? Besides believe and confess, NOTHING! You didn't have to be perfect, and you didn't have to get your life right. You just had to believe and confess, according to Romans 10:9-10; you simply had to accept the finished work Christ had already done for you.
So why do we so often think we have to be perfect to please God? Why do we so often think God is mad at or disappointed in us when we mess up? And why do we think anything that we do ourselves could ever keep us saved?
Yes, our works are very important - far more important than some people today seem to think. But even so, our works don't save us. They never could. They never will.
We are saved only by grace, through our faith. Ephesians 2:8-9 is clear on this, as well as on the facts that works don't save us:
For it is BY GRACE you have been saved, THROUGH FAITH—and this is NOT from yourselves, it IS the gift of God— NOT by works, so that no one can boast.
We are imperfect people who need a perfect Savior.
I'm quite far from being a Type A personality, so I never associated myself with being a perfectionist. But over this last year, the Holy Spirit has definitely showed me that's been a far greater area of struggle for me than I was ever willing or ready to admit. Instead of being grateful for where and what God has brought me out of, I get mad at myself for not having done it all right the first time. One of the enemy's favorite lines to whisper in my ear is that I should have known better and that I'll never be good enough.
And you know what? The enemy is right! I won't ever be good enough.
But the enemy is the father of lies and he always twists the truth - or in this case, leaves it out. No, I'll never be good enough...BUT GOD!
He has made me righteous!
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21, NIV)
We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. (Romans 3:22, NLT)
But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became God-given wisdom for us--our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. (1 Corinthians 1:30, HCSB)
He has made me pure, blameless, and holy!
Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. (Colossians 1:22, NLT)
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. (1 John 1:7, NIV)
And of course, we must remember that God forgives us:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9, NIV)
“I don't remember the former things, and I don't dwell on the past. God is doing a new thing in my life!" (see Isaiah 43:18-19)
"I am a NEW creation in Christ! The old has gone, and the new is here!" (see 2 Corinthians 5:17)
"I put aside (and behind me!) the dark things of my past, and I now live in the light!" (see Romans 13:12 and 1 John 1:7 and Ephesians 5:8)
"I forget what's behind me. I look forward to what lies ahead. I am pressing onwards and upwards. I throw away everything that hinders me and the sin that slows me down. I will finish what God has called me to do and I will receive the prize He has for me!" (see Philippians 3:13-14 and Hebrews 12:1)
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (ESV)
Let's forget the sins, mistakes, and regrets of our past and let's move forward; except for this time, let's really forget them and let's really move on. I for one am tired of dwelling on things I can't change. They are not worth my precious time anymore, and they aren't worth yours!
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