Something Old

Over the past four years, I've tried my hands at a number of blogs, ultimately to avail. Not only did I get bored quickly or stopped writing entirely, but many of the things I wrote were poorly motivated, poorly written, poorly thought out, or poorly interpreted by readers (probably due to the first three things I mentioned having done poorly).

However, over the years, I've also written a lot of pieces that I'm proud of, enjoyed writing, or was just happy to share with the world. Here's a piece that I was just happy to share with the world because I'm thankful to be where I'm at now in my life.

I shared this on September 21st, 2014 on one of the attempted blogs I mentioned. It's a bit of my personal testimony. I hope you enjoy it, and even more, that you're encouraged.

Four Years Ago This Week

TimeHop is an app that I both admire and despise for its ability to make me recall things from my past. I admire it because I love seeing how far the Lord has brought me and how much I’ve grown over the years, and just like anyone, I love remembering the good ol’ days. But I despise it because it’s also a constant reminder of the things I don’twant to remember; things that I’ve tried to move on from for years, which kind of puts a damper on that whole Philippians 3:13 thing. You know…forgetting what’s behind and pressing on towards what’s ahead. 

I’m not a fan of living in the past. I think that the past can be a nice place to visit but is a terrible place to live, good or bad. 

Even so, I haven’t deleted the app off of my phone yet, and so, here I am. And according to TimeHop, four years ago today, I posted this:Apparently, I was not very happy with Christians that day. I couldn’t tell you the exact reason for why I posted that, but I do happen to know that four years ago this week I had a major turning point in my life. The worst year of my life was coming to a close, and while some things had gotten better on the outside, inside I was still a wreck. 

At this point four years ago, every time I’d tried to use alcohol or people to mask anything, it just made me feel more weighted down and depressed. I needed a high, so I went to a drug-user I knew who worked at a coffee shop I frequented, and told them that I wanted to try marijuana; that I wanted to just relax, forget everything about my life, and feel better. So four years ago this upcoming weekend, I got high for the first and only time in my life, and you know what? It was great! I got exactly what I was looking for that night: I felt relaxed, peaceful, happy, carefree…and for one night, I wanted that lifestyle to be mine. 

Up until that point, I had been ignoring God’s voice any way I could for quite some time. I never stopped believing God, and I never denied what I knew to be true. I was just really, really unhappy. Unhappy with myself, unhappy with my life, and unhappy with people. 

That next day I awoke to the sun shining through the window, and in the silence of the morning, the Holy Spirit asked me a simple question. He wasn’t angry; there was only love in His soft voice as He whispered, “Brittany…was that better than Me?” 

Of course, the answer was no. 

I cried, I repented, I knew things would be different from then on, and they were. I won’t lie: I still had some rough moments the rest of that year as I transitioned into a new, uncharted season of my life. But the answer to God’s question that day was, is, and always will be “no.” 

Nothing on this earth could ever satisfy me, or anyone else, the way He can. 

Not people, position, power or wealth. 

Not entertainment, sex, drugs or alcohol. 

Not a job, an education, family, church involvement or doing good deeds. 

Not social causes, activism, social media, experiences or the American Dream. 

We were all made by Him and for Him, and because of that, we all will only ever be truly satisfied IN Him. 

While four years ago, I may have been mad at Christians, the truth is that people and church were not the cause of my issues; I was. Sure, the enemy was too – oh, how he hates us all so. But at the end of the day, I made a lot of poor choices. I can never deny that. 

But oh, the beauty of surrendering oneself to the Most High. 

Jesus truly pulled me out of my self-made pit of despair, destruction and chaos. He gave me clarity, true peace, and true freedom, and He made this broken girl so very whole again. He can and will do the same for you; in fact, He wants to! 

No matter where you’ve been, where you are, what you’ve done or what you’re doing…He created you, and He loves and wants you more than you could ever imagine! But the choice to respond to His love is yours, and only yours. His offer will be on the table until you breathe your last breath, but why wait? Why settle for anything less than the very best? The best doesn’t mean easy. Oh, it definitely won’t be easy…but it’s worth it.The good news is, He doesn’t expect perfection from any of us. He just wants a willing heart. 

So whether you know Him, have walked away from Him, or have never considered Him before, come to Jesus. Just as you are, come to Him. He’ll give you the rest, the peace, the clarity, and the freedom you so crave. 

And you’ll never thirst again. Because nothing quenches the soul quite like Living Water…

Peace out, Social Media!

If you're reading this, you probably clicked on the link I posted on my Facebook timeline or Instagram feed. And if you're reading this, please know that I won't be sharing anymore links on either for quite some time. Why?

Because I'm giving up social media.

For good.

Like, I'm going to delete all of my accounts by the end of today. 

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Pinterest. Gone. Gone forever.

(OK, maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future at least.)

I'm aware that some of you are probably thinking I should just limit myself. Practice self-control, self-discipline, and all that jazz. Normally, I'd agree with you on that 100%...but there's an asterisk. 

I'm all about self-control and things in moderation, but I'm more about not causing people to stumble. Jesus has some strong words to say about causing people to stumble in Matthew, Mark, and Luke; Paul talks about this in both Romans and 1 Corinthians; and this concept is mentioned in numerous other verses throughout the Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments. 

Causing others to stumble is a big deal. Huge, in fact. This is why there are just certain things that, even though I'm not necessarily against, I simply don't associate myself with or allow in my life or home. Not because they're wrong or evil, but simply because I don't want to ever be a stumbling block to anyone, anywhere, anytime. 

And for me personally, social media has reached that point.

Now, you may be thinking, "But Brittany, how is your using social media causing others to stumble?" or, "What does not wanting to cause people to stumble have to do with you getting rid of social media?"

Well, to answer the first question: I might cause - or at least, may have caused - people to stumble using social media. Granted, I endeavor to be positive and encouraging with my posts, and I feel I succeed at that endeavor. However, I also admit that I've not always had the best motives in some of my posting and therein lies not only the causing of others to stumble, but more importantly, the answer to the second question...

While I don't want to cause anyone else to stumble, I just as much don't want to stumble myself. I'm not referring to blatant or lascivious sin here, but rather the "easier-to-hide" sins: judgment, cynicism, frustration, anger, covetousness, jealousy, pride, feelings of superiority, lack of mercy or compassion, distractions, laziness, selfishness, listening to voices other than that of my Shepherd's, and so forth. I've been taking some serious self-inventory lately, and while these things aren't who I am or want to be, I feel I've allowed myself to let them into my life through way of social media.

And so I apologize; apologize to God, to people, and to myself. for letting myself become what I know I am not in my personal use of social media. 

This isn't to say I've abused or misused social media. I know I haven't anymore than anyone else. I know that we've all made social media blunders, just as we've all made blunders in real life. So I'm not beating myself or anyone else up over this by any means. I know that social media isn't a big deal for some people, and that's awesome - keep posting!

It's just that I feel it's time for me personally to take the approach that Jesus speaks of in Matthew 18: "If your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away."

This wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I've thought of it off and on for over a year, and have been seriously considering it for almost two months now. Recently, I even wrote out a list of pros and cons; reasons to keep it and reasons to get rid of it; how to use it if I keep it, and what I'm going to do if I delete it. 

I think what finally convinced me - what was the icing on the cake in making my decision - was a quote that was shared yesterday in the ladies' Bible study I attend. Former NBA player Charles Barkley recently said that the reason he avoids social media is because "the internet is where fools go to feel important." Yesterday morning I was looking for an answer to my social media question, and that was it.

To keep or to delete? In the end, the latter option won.

I love social media, I really do - because I love socializing and I love people and communication. I know there's so much good that can come from social media, and I support it 100%. And maybe I'll return to it one day; I'm definitely not opposed. 

But I have such a solid peace about leaving; I know it's what I need to do for the time being. I think I knew it's what I needed to do quite some time ago, but I was afraid...afraid because sadly, so much of my identity is wrapped up in my social media presence, instead of fully in Christ where it should be. 

So, for now at least, I'm done.

I'll continue to write blog posts here, and I'm going to start giving more family updates here with pictures and whatnot. After all, it is OUR On-Purpose Life. Feel free to follow this blog if you're interested, and from time to time, I'm sure my husband will post links to here on his social media accounts. 

But as I've said, I'm signing off indefinitely. If I ever come back, I'll let you know. In fact, I'll probably just send you a friend request. 

Tomorrow's New Adventure

I spent today spring cleaning, and it was so very, very good! I got half of my list done, and I felt ready for something new! I was excited to finish my list up on Sunday so that I could start fresh on Monday – sticking to a writing schedule, losing that baby weight, making sure my newly cleaned house stays that way, and just inviting in all of the newness that spring has to offer!

But then my husband got home from work and mentioned, nonchalantly, that tomorrow – Sunday – we’d be starting quite the new adventure.

And then I realized I’d be finishing my spring cleaning on Monday.

Because Sunday – tomorrow – is Easter.

Easter Sunday – tomorrow – is the first day that my husband and I will be attending a new church.

A new church at which my husband will be preaching at almost every Sunday from here on out.

I felt…strange. That’s literally the only word I can think of to describe it.

Strange.

Like a deer in the headlights. Like a cow at a new gate. Like a chicken with its head cut off. Like some kind of animal that was startled, confused, or dead.

In that moment, it was as if the last 10 months hit me all of a sudden and I felt small, unqualified, and unprepared for what’s ahead, which is…I have absolutely no idea.

How could I have let this happen, I thought. I should have been more prepared for this; I should be ready for this. I've known it was coming for almost a year and here it is – TOMORROW!!! – and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing! What the heck, Brittany? WHAT THE HECK?

*sigh*

Before I go any further, I’ll quickly give the back-story to all of this.

Five days after we graduated from Bible school in Oklahoma (and only one day after officially being back home in Idaho), our pastor met with us over frozen yogurt and told us that our church was starting a new campus church in a small, rural town about 40 minutes away. He wanted to know if we were interested in helping out with the transition, and suggested that at some point we’d probably end up being the “campus leaders,” if you will.

And that point has come.

Every Sunday since last June, we've gone to the 10:30 church service at our main campus, and then headed out to the 1:30 service at the new campus with our pastor. It made for a long day, with us getting home around 4:30, but it quickly became normal. We instantly fell in love with the people, as the new church campus was a previously established church, so there were already around 30 or so people in attendance. We also loved driving 80 miles a week with our pastor, who talked with us about everything from raising a family in ministry to eating fast food in other countries.

We knew that this time would come, but it seemed so far away.

And now, it’s tomorrow.

We’re switching to a morning service at the new campus, so even though this new campus is a part of my home church, starting tomorrow, this location will now be my church.

And even though my senior pastor will still be my pastor and the pastor of this new location, I’ll now be hearing the message every Sunday from my husband. So in a way, my husband is now my pastor (not officially, of course, but in a sense). He’s already the head of my home and he speaks into my life spiritually on a daily basis. When I think of someone who’s Christ-like, next to Jesus, he’s it, and he’s already been preaching every Wednesday night at the new campus…but it’s still new, him being my husband and the person whom I’ll hear bring the Word every Sunday.

I’m beyond excited…and beyond intimidated. My husband and I have big dreams for this small town church, and I know the big-hearted people attending do too.

And quite honestly, my husband and I have no idea what we’re doing…but we know it’s exactly where we’re supposed to be.

The funny thing is, at our Bible school, the students were told constantly, “nobody’s just going to hand you a church when you graduate.” Even though this isn't “our” church in that sense, in a way, that’s exactly what happened.

I still remember the first week of our first year at Bible school, my husband told me he felt like the Lord wanted him to do the pastoral track his second year and I didn't believe him! It didn't make any sense to me why God would tell him that. We never wanted to start a church or lead a congregation; we simply wanted to be under someone else’s vision. Well…it makes sense now why he needed to do the pastoral track. And look at how God works: we’re still under our senior pastor’s vision. Something we never expected ended up being the desire of our hearts.

I also remember that during our second year, my husband and I felt like we needed to start learning Spanish, and wouldn't you know it: this new location is about 90% Hispanic. It’s so amazing to know that you heard God’s voice correctly even when it seemed so strange at the time. (We still don’t know Spanish, but praise the Lord that services are done in English!)

Anyway, I say all of this to say: tomorrow is a new day, and another new adventure for these Butlers. I think I felt small when I started writing this, and as I finish it, I feel more ready and excited than I ever have before. I have no idea what’s ahead, but that’s OK. That’s kind of how I like it. It’s fun not knowing all of the details and being able to look forward every day to what God’s going to do. It’s fun taking one step at a time and living purely on faith.

I've said it before and I’ll say it until I die: the faith life is the best life!

So tomorrow, as we celebrate the greatest day in history, get excited about the history that’s yet to be made in your own life. After all, all of history – all of time’s and all of our own – is a part of His story. His plans. His purposes. His cause. His Kingdom. We all have a part to play that He’s assigned us, so let’s each play that part…whatever it may be and however different it may look from what we thought it would be.

Freedom is found in surrendering our will for His…His good, perfect, and pleasing will.

Happy Easter. HE IS RISEN!!!

(And if you think to pray, would you please pray for the right day job for my husband and the best home for our budget as we’re looking to soon move out that direction and have yet to find either. We know God will bring both at just the right time! Thank you.)